O the wonderful cards, I have gotten. A woman walks with her spirit bear, the beauty of the islands, funny, inspirational, pure beauty. Thank you so much to all who filled my day with messages of love, by card and by email and FaceBook.
One card sits right next to my bed. It is of an exhausted Hawaiian in a canoe surrounded by endless rough seas. As he slumps in the middle seat, two spirit angels take over bow and aft with strong arms and clear direction. I am in the middle seat now. Angels steer the boat. The image strengthens me.
Yesterday, after hours of dripline at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance….hydration and platelets, I had enough energy to go for a walk with Steve in lovely Ravenna Park. Flowing water and little waterfalls, flowering trees, skunk cabbage, some lovely big cedars. It was really quite wonderful. Cool fresh air, birds singing. Much healing. My walk is slow but lasted 40 minutes.
The same night, we had a real family dinner for the first time. I even tasted alcohol free wine (ugh). I had something like an appetite. I could savor most the food. The famous chemo mouth sores make it tender but so far okay. now It was absolutely wonderful to sit at the table with my family and talk about something over than leukemia. We even retired to bowls of popcorn and watched 50/50, a movie that Mariya told us we would enjoy because it was about cancer but had a good outcome. And it was a good movie. Some pretty gritty stuff about chemo but a good dark comedy. We all enjoyed it.
Yesterday, I had one of those days that don’t show up on the plans. Ah, we all have these, all the time, don’t we? I have a favorite saying Humans plan, God laughs. Or something like that. So in the morning, I went into the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) for the scheduled bone marrow biopsy and instead, due to low potassium and fluids, I went into AFib, a rapid irregular heartbeat with a pulse of 140+. This caused great consternation, including a Code Blue—where from my perspective the room was filled with people all intently staring at me. The decision was made to transport me by ambulance to the hospital, Steve following by car and somewhere between talking to the nice medics (such good people) and them explaining to me why we were using the siren in Code Pink (just so we don’t have to wait through multiple lights), my heart spontaneously converted to the its normal rhythm. So no big guns (so to say) were needed.
They did make me hang out in the ER for quite a while they monitored the heart and pulse (now normal) and filled me with liquid and potassium. Then back to the SCCA for a long chemo drip, complete with Benadryl that knocked me out, and then followed that with a blood transfusion. By 9PM, I was done. Sweet girls came and went, then Steve and I went home and had dinner (and more pills) and watched West Wing, and that was the day I did not plan.
Today, my plan… and I hope I am allowed to make this happen, I will go with my daughters to get my head shaved. It is time, rather than let it fall out bit by clump. I don’t know how this will feel. Our hair, you know, such a big thing. Maybe it will all be a big relief. No bad hair days. No expensive shampoo. I do know it will be the badge of cancer. All those things you can kind of hide inside suddenly become the big banner to the world. The “private –I’m –Okay” part of me flinches at this. For this reason, I also got a wig, which I may use for the times I just don’t want to be Cancer Lady in public.
Well, more than enough for now. I just wanted to get this down before the next thing happens. I send you all love, light and gratitude. Delight in the emergence of sweet Persephone, entering our world the gift for new growing life. Don’t forget to celebrate Ireland on St Patrick’s Day! And yeah, and the Spring Equinox is coming up soon. Balance, my friends, it’s all about balance. Examine your lives to see what needs more balance (quick and dirty guess… you need more rest, exercise and play). Try to give away the things that make you sick or sad and pull in more of the ones that make you happy and calm. The seasons truly show us how to live.